| summer time |
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| 09:23am 07/06/2005 |
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mood:  awake
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so im taking a class over the summer
i get to do community service
and plant a garden for homeless people
and go on hikes and
it sucks but its better than sitting in a classroom
for 3 hours
anyway
for my service i will be working at
UWM's Women's Resource Center
resizing image files for the website
not too horrible
actually
it seems almost too easy
im waiting for the catch
in other news
my car's transmission took a shit
so i have no car
but not for long because
my wonderful parents are buying me another one
damn im so spoiled and i dont deserve it
oh well
also i am living with jacob and dan
it isnt too bad
the apartment is actually cleaner than when
its just me and emily
i have been spending a shit ton of
my dad's hard erned money though
i dont like doing that
but i dont work so i have to
anyway i need to be doing something
that has nothing to do with lj
laters
-a |
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| i'm almost done but godfuckingdammit... |
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| 09:06am 21/04/2005 |
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music: dancing with my self - billy idol
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there are 8 more days left of school
that means 12 more classes to go to
this is what i still have to do:
Illustration 4- design and execute a line of soap boxes
Comic Class (aka nerdy art-fags unite)- create 2 comic strips
Professional Writing- write cover letter, fix old assignments
Poetry- illustrate and bind 2 books, write cover letter, write paper #3
these last 2 weeks will be fucking hellish
but then i get to spend some quality time with dan
finally
oh and jacob wishes to sublease
which is cool
and hes down with dan coming up for the summer too
so yeah
very soon
everything will be comming up milhouse |
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| meh ^2 |
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| 06:37pm 20/02/2005 |
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more of the same
hate school
miss dan
want kill
much work
im tired
i slept a lot this weekend though
this next week is
going to be hell
ive got to bust my ass to
get ahead on my homework
so i can enjoy my
weekend home and my
21st birthday
im also lonely
and smelly
really lonely
-a |
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| 4th week... been awake 48+ hours... |
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| 10:42am 08/02/2005 |
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mood:  high
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i do homework constantly
because i want to get ahead
so when i finally go home
to the burbs i
wont have an anurism
i will be able to devote my
entire time there
to dan
sappy
yes
but i dont care
im always feeling lonely
its the same
every day
i have work to do
-a |
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| 666 GRRR |
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| 01:46pm 01/02/2005 |
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mood:  drained music: misfits - skulls
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yesterday
jason harter called me in the middle of my class
just to tell me he saw a license plate that read
666 GRRR
almost made my day
today
well
im done with class
i just need to print some shit out then
im off like a prom dress
i get to sit with my cat
do more homework
smoke squers
it will be...
something...
damn im lonely
-a |
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| it's too early in the year to be busting my ass like this... |
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| 04:45pm 26/01/2005 |
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mood:  blah
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every day ive been getting to school around 8am
even on days when i dont have class till 12:30
im sick of it
already
but the more i keep myself busy
the less time i spend feeling shitty
its for the best i guess
but im already feeling burnt out
i miss doing nothing
and i miss dan a lot
also i have a bad feeling that
some crazy drama is about to unfold
good thing im not involved
but yeah
shit
i have to do more school work
lots to do before i can leave this building
then more homework at home
fuckin a |
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| fuckin hell |
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| 09:35am 25/01/2005 |
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i have already begun running myself ragged
but i like my classes
so whatever
im lonly as fuck though
because of this ive been talking to my peers
and i dont hate them all so much anymore
ill be posting my shit from my poetry class
when its good enough
or sooner
im not sure
its time for me to get back to work
HAIL!
-a |
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| day 2... |
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| 01:40pm 19/01/2005 |
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mood:  happy
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ok so woo
i get to stay with my peers and move on to
ILLUSTRATION 4
i have to take an extra class to replace the F
but thats not so bad
my schedual fucking rules
M/W 12:30-3:20p INTRO TO SEQUENTIAL ART - the nerds unite
- we learn the formal aspects of creating COMIC BOOKS
- i get to make a hero a villain and a jane doe based on me
FUCK YEAH
T/Th 8-10:50a ILLUSTRATION 4 - my second chance
- we're researching -isms
- i'm making them look like flash
again FUCK YEAH
M 3:30-6:20p PROFESSIONAL WRITING & RESEARCH
- havent had this class yet but i hear it's easy
Th 12:30-3:20p POETRY
- also havent had this class yet
- finally i get to write creativly
so FUCK YEAH
lots of free time
i'll be hanging out with Tim tonight
im finally getting some doja
whooo!
im in a great mood
on another note
i got no call from Dan after the show
im not mad
it was prolly late
i passed out areund 1:30 ish anyway
i really wanted to hear how it went
not read about it but what can you do
from what i read
it rocked
so im still in like the best fucking mood
school doesnt suck so far
i love Dan
Dan loves me
gettin ganj
"everything's commin up Milhouse"
HAIL TO THE PINCE!
-a |
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| im leaving in less than 5 minutes |
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| 03:35pm 16/01/2005 |
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mood: exhausted music: dog water baby - a tribute to my part time pet
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im out of here
ill see you in a few weeks
ill post when i can
i already miss everyone
taters
-a |
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| hey... i'm still here... |
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| 03:13am 16/01/2005 |
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mood: drained music: X2 in the next room
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because i am a vindictive ass when i dont get what i want
i am still here
leaving around noonish
i intended on going back
to hang out with my roommate a bit extra
but she wanted to go home to rock-town
so since i wouldnt be chillin with her
i stayed here and hung out with dan
it was nice
but i feel kinda like an ass
cause i was a real big snot
to emily
and kinda molly too
and i feel bad
but its over and done with
ill just have to lament untill i appologize
with booze
in order to numb the transition back to milwaukee
i am getting tanked
after i get situated and call dan
ill need it after that
it will hit me that i am still going to that
horrible excuse for an institution
goddamn that place pisses me off
but ive come too far to just give up and start over somewhere else
but damn
so much fucking stress
its a wonder ive survived this long
and on top of that
it really rips me up
not being able to see dan
whenever i damn well please
it is so fucking lonely up there
even if i am with people all the time
EVERYONE is disconnected
everyone has an agenda
and noone wants to be bothered
i fucking hate MIAD
and
I
Fucking
HATE
HATE
HATE
H
A
T
E
milwaukee
more
than
anything
else
ever
!
i hope i make it
till next time
HAIL PESTOR MOTHER FUCKERS!
-a |
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| yup |
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| 01:34pm 14/01/2005 |
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mood:  loved
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today is my last full day in illinois
im not going to let it get me down
ill let you in on how it went
now to ask my mom if i can have the beer
left over from her ladies party
when i came home last night
all the counters were covered in beer bottles
these "ladies" went through
about 2 cases of mgdlight
and a 12 of carona
really though
thats a lot considering there were only 4 or 5 of them drinking
and apparently the drunks didnt even come
so yeah
my ma has some crazy ass friends
im out
-a |
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| im so irrational |
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| 12:45pm 13/01/2005 |
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mood: awake music: you know this
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sorry about last night
but as it stands
i still dont like technology
im just not crying about it
i need to shower
and doctor appointment it up
HAPPY ANNAVERSARY DAN AND ME!!!
whoo!
today!
fuck yeah!
-a |
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| ... |
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| 11:32pm 12/01/2005 |
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mood: SHIT music: i dont have anything to play music on so fuck you
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i am so pissed off
why do i even bother with technology
even this goddamn lj
no one reads it
its not like anyone gives a shit
i feel like shit
fuck that
i feel waaaaaaaaay lower than shit
i feel somewhere between bob and jimmy
no wait
i am much lower
i fucking suck
fuck you
-a |
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| a Marge Simpson worried noise goes here... |
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| 10:15pm 12/01/2005 |
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mood: crappy music: the x-men cartoon theme song
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i've spoken to 2 shrinks recently
they both reaffirm that i am indeed crazy
and i need to man the fuck up
other than that im worried about some things
-school and all things associated with that
-going back to milwaukee on saturday
im only going to be here a few more days
and i want to stay here but
man oh man do i need to spend a couple days hitten the sauce
HARD
without reprocussions
and i miss my cat like you wouldnt believe
-figuring out when i am coming back once i start school
-things involving dan
dan has been feeling hella shitty lately specially today
tensions are running high in the dellacecca house as of late
tommorrow is out 4 year anniversery which RULES
and i want it to be awsome
ya know go out do something
and i wanna get doja but that may be a problem
and i dont know what dan wants to do
i really dont want him to not have a good time tommorrow
all i have planned is a sushi dinner
and i dunno if dan even wants to do that
he may just be humoring me
so yeah
today has been a long boring ass shitty day
starting with driving jimmy to court
and though i have the intertron
i have no AIM
so its almost pointless
i dont want to think anymore
its not helping my insanity be less
im just stressing myself out needlessly
but theres nothing in this house to kill my brain
except sleep
and im not tired
there is always sweet merciful death
but i want to see how tommorrow pans out
im done bitching for now
maybe later
-a |
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| sweet angry pestor! |
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| 02:44pm 11/01/2005 |
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music: nothing but whats in my head
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so i finally have internet access again
whoo
it has been a while
ummm
im fine
i guess
i failed a class
and on top of feeling shitty about it
i get reprocussions
i just want to talk it out
if my grade still stands
i just want to drop it
let it be
and figure out how to get on with my life
but fuck no
my mom wants to drag this out
and bitch to any and everybody
until i get the grade changed
now i have to read a 3 page letter my mom wrote
all bitching
all fighting for a change in my grade
i think she watches too much law and order
and shit
i know this will bite me in the ass
in some horrible horrible way
im not sure how
but it will
ill be going to dan's house again soon
ill post again later
peace
-a |
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| MAN THE FUCK UP MILWAUKEE!!! |
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| 12:48pm 14/09/2004 |
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so since my last post
im back at school
all moved into my apartment
ive already vomited on my
friend and neighbor molly's porch
hopefully it wont happen again
till she moves at least
ive been busy as fuck
fucking classes
fucking homework
i still need to find a place to do physical therapy
i still need to do a fuckload of shit for school
and goddammit i still need fucking rubber grommets
dont get mad
im getting them as soon as i find a place to get them
i borrowed molly's phone book
ill be calling around later today
next time i go home ill be giving dan a tattoo
my first on actual skin
wooo
and im getting my sleeve once i draw it out
and an o possibly tonight
ummm
this weekend was awesome
really though
spent the night at jamals apartment
on the pull out couch with dan
it was so sweet
umm yeah
im on the schools puter and ive got shit to do so
HAIL! HAIL PESTOR MOTHERFUCKERS!
and mister nick needs to get over himself
laters
-a |
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| get me the fuck out of this place |
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| 07:04pm 23/08/2004 |
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i went to ikea for the first and last time
so many clean lines
so functional
ick
now im waiting to do something
to get my mind off of the fact that
i have to start school next week
and everyone and their brother
keeps fucking reminding me
its a wonder i havent flipped out
im getting close though
im trying to stay as fucked up as possible
but right now im not
and i wont be until i leave
and that wont be until later
i could go out but not really
i need to get gas and smokes
so im not leaving
until i have someplace to be
give me someplace to be
-a |
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| so much togetherness... |
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| 11:36am 16/08/2004 |
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day 1: left for tommahawk, WI
read "the lurking fear" and
"Herbert West - Reanimator"
day2: read "imprisoned with the pharaohs"
"in the walls of Erix" and
"the horror at red hook"
took a pontoon ride to dary queen
tried to set up plans with meena
and started "at the mountains of madness"
day3: went to the new book store in town
bought "Your Book of Shadows"
talked to dan
finished "At the Mountains of Madness" making me offically finished with H.P. Lovecraft's Road to Madness
started the new book
day 4: had a crazy ass dream...
i was in a grocery store and ran into Dan but it was actually George Carlin in a Dan suit and mask. i ripped off the mask and beat the ever lovin shit out of george carlin. then i went to a house that was supposed to be mine but i was set up different. i was in my room (same as the one in my parents house but backwards)breaking up weed when my dad walked in to just hang out and watch tv or something but never the less i did a bad job of hiding my weed. soon after that my dad's girlfriend (he doesnt have one in real life just my mom) melaine grifith walks in, looks around for a few minutes then asks me about the pot on my bed behind my back. naturally i freak out and say "its not mine im holding it for someone" but then she asks if she can have some. i look at my dad and ask if its cool which astonishingly it is.so i search my purse for a baggy and unearth my stem collection. she asks what the deal is and i tell the truth, its for purple sticky punch. bothe melaine grifith and my dad start laughing histarically. i give her about a gram and they both leave. then i end up spilling the rest of the weed on my furry ass comfortor and this small dog jumps up on my bed and starts snuffling up my pot as clean it up.
i wake up
go to wausau for some mall/skate shop action
end up buying a shirt and a new hoodie
dan called for angie's # and jimmy called for foster's #
day 5: got knitting supplies
learned how to crochet
and was finally able to smoke some weed
day 6: woke up at 7am and went fishing with my dad for 9 hours
didnt even know we were out that long but had fun anyway
i got fucking sunburnt and picked a water lilly
walked around in mens thermals cause a lawyer got drunk and made kevin cry
had random violent act of vertigo
day 7: went more fishing
went to minacqua with my mom
bought another book
ate prolly the best thin crust mushroom pizza ever
smoked weed again
finished "your book of shadows"
day 8: sat on ass
went to a battle of the bands and only got to see 4 out of 5 bands set to play and i am not complaining. i only liked the 1st band Random Hero and not even that much because they tottally want to be NoFX and yet they wernt drunk. i got yelled at by one of the owners of the golf course that the "battle" was heald at for herassing the bands. i laughed in her face. then some 47 year old woman asked me for a smoke which i gave and then lent an ear to her explanation of how she found jesus and wants to go to the amazon to help others but only is jesus asked her to go. the woman reeeeaked of booze. really though, i could smell her 6 feet away and down some stairs.she was radiating beer.
day 9: finally left tommahawk
got home and drove my car to dan's dude its been damn near 3 months since i drove and man was it ever sweet. i got some weed from jamal and got properly stoned
those were the fucking highlights of the past 9 days
oh well im home now
i had physical therapy today
not bad
im going to call angie
see if i can get some dank
or something
shes upset and stuff
but i will be hanging out with dan today
mother fuckers
-a |
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| family fun time in the north woods |
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| 12:13am 07/08/2004 |
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so im going on vacation with my family
horrific
but i hung out with dan a shit ton this whole week
which was cool
hopefully it will help to keep me pleasent
no it wont
im going to kill every last one of these people
its my family
my godmothers family
her sisters family
and some kids whos parents arnt even gunna be there
12 people
2 houses
3 boat
well at least i got these sweet boots today
its like wearin' nothing at all
seriously
they are so fucking comfortable
i have to finish packing
off to tommahawk
bright and fucking surly
-a |
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| fuck every last one of you up the ass... |
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| 11:51pm 03/08/2004 |
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i dont feel good
i mean i had a good day
i hung out with dan
for 3.5 hours
but i have had this
overwhelming feeling of dread
and ive done nothing about it
its just been sitting in my head
getting bigger and bigger
and making me want to cry and stuff
god fucking dammit
this is stupid
and its all your fault
-a |
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asheena's journal